Nov 24

Forced Adoption

Being forced to keep a baby that you would have otherwise aborted can be very painful. This is a reality for many teenagers around the world today. It happens to older women as well but it is much more common in teenagers. It was way more prevalent in the USA before “Roe Vs Wade” which was the bill that made abortion legal. Before that it was very frowned upon and many parents would not allow it and they also didn’t want their daughters giving up their lives to raise a baby so they forced their daughters to not only carry the baby to term but then made them give it up for adoption against their will. Sometimes it was for religious reasons, or for personal beliefs.

Some of these girls that are forced to put their babies up for adoption often form an attachment to the life growing inside of them and then fall in love with the baby especially after it is born. Then to be forced to give up the baby can be a very traumatic experience that stays with them for the rest of their lives. Many of these women when they are older and living on their own will try and fine their baby that they gave up so many years before. Some of them dream of having a relationship with the child. And in some cases that does happen but other times it doesn’t always work out as planned or idealized. Many kids who have been adopted do want to meet their mothers and families to find out about themselves and their family and history. Some others harbor resentments towards their birth mothers and want nothing to do with them. And then a lot of them fall somewhere in between those two extremes.

There are many ways and registries that both birth mother and child can use to try and contact the other and sometimes it might take a while until both are on board at the right time to see each other. The only way to know for sure is to try. With social media, it is becoming increasing easier to find and contact people.

Were you adopted or did you give up your child for adoption? Share your story below.


Oct 20

Closed Adoptions

benefits-of-open-adoption-vs-closed-adoptionIf you are looking into adoption, you may be wondering what the difference between an open and closed adoption is. The two options are both available to the biological and adoptive parents.  I will be discussing closed adoptions in this article, though.

A closed adoption is, simply put, when all records pertaining to the biological parents are sealed and kept from the adoptive family. This can obviously only be done successfully with children that are newborns or very young, or those that have not grown up in the care of their biological family.

In the past, closed adoptions were the only adoptions.  These days, more people tend to opt for an open adoption for the sake of the child. An adoption that is closed guarantees that the biological and adoptive parents are given no information about each other than can be used to identify them. Many times in closed adoptions, the child wants to find out more information after they reach the age of 18.  This can sometimes be accommodated through certain organizations.

A closed adoption is best for adoptive parents that want to raise the child without the outside interference from a biological parent. These parents usually adopt the child as an infant and then raise the child as if they had given birth to him or her. There are some benefits to a closed adoption in this scenario. The main one is that there will be very little chance that the biological parents will cause issues in the life of the child. It can, at times, be easier on the child as well because they will only ever know one set of parents.

There are so many things to consider when you begin looking into adopting a child. Whether you are interested in a closed or open adoption should be one of the first decisions you make, though, for the sake of both sets of parents.


Oct 12

The Basics of Adoption

There are many reasons that people consider adopting a child. Maybe you long to have a child and decide that adoption is the right road for you and your family. It can be a very rewarding experience but it is one that you need to prayerfully consider before jumping in to.

adoption-1There are likewise many people that feel they cannot raise a child and want to place their child for adoption. Many times, the biological mother is young and does not have what it takes to raise a child.  This seems to be the most likely scenario here in the United States. Other times, the birth parents never had a desire to have a child in the first place and just cannot handle the thought of the responsibilities of raising a child. Occasionally, it is hardships in the lives of the birth parents that make them believe that their child would simply be better off being raised by someone else. On the rarest of occasions, both of the child’s parents die, leaving the child with no other choice than adoption.

Whatever the reason is, there are many children all throughout the United States in every state that are in need of adoption. The foster care system of each state has children all the time that need the love of a family.  There are orphanages all over the world with children who are longing to be adopted. You could be the family that save a child from a fate of not being loved.

When you adopt a child, you will usually be taking a child that was born with absolutely nothing and giving them the entire world by providing them with a family and with a future. Not only the child, but your entire family, will be given new life that will be more fulfilling because you adopted a child. It is an amazing experience and a wonderful gift to the adopted child and the adoptive family.


Oct 05

A Closer Look at an Open Adoption

Generally, an open adoption is one where the biological parent(s) of the child are allowed to have some form of contact with the child that has been adopted. This is an agreement that is usually put into writing when the child is placed in the care of the adoptive family.

screen-shot-2014-10-09-at-9-12-33-amThere are several ways that are used to keep the adoption open.  Sometimes it is through phone calls.  Other times, it is easier to use letters, emails, Facebook, or even the occasional personal visitation. Though the contract is not usually legally binding, the hope is that both sets of parents will follow through for the sake of the child.

An open adoption does not always mean that the biological and adoptive families will be meeting in person. A lot of times, it merely means that the adoption agency will receive updates with photos from the adoptive family and pass them on to the biological family. There are times, though, when both sets agree to meet in person, though it can start off being rather awkward in the beginning usually.

Before the child is actually placed, it is important to have the desires of both parties in writing to determine what contact will be expected, as well as some dates lined up in the beginning for phone calls or visits. By having everyone’s expectations written down, there are no questions about what each person wants and an agreement can be reached. This is especially important to the biological family who longs to have an open adoption because they can be cut off at any time from their biological child. My business partner at has an open adoption with his son’s birth mother. They have had their challenges with it at times, but see the benefit of keeping it open for the sake of their son.

Many times, the best way to work through an open adoption is by using the adoption agency as the middle man.  This will save both sets of parents a lot of stress.  They will act as a mediator between the biological family and the adoptive family.

Sometimes, an open adoption is little more than exchanging names before the adoption takes place in case anyone wants to make contact in the future. It’s all about finding that middle ground that everyone can agree on. There are occasions where the adoptive family wants as little contact as possible from the birth family for whatever reason, so make sure everything is in writing before the adoption is final.


Sep 30

Adopting Internationally

Have you considered adopting internationally?  If so, you will need to find an adoption agency to help you get through all of the paperwork. Some people also hire an attorney to help with the process.

A lot of times, international adoptions are quick and your new child can be home in as little as ten months after your application is complete. Most of the children eligible for adoption are newborns that were separated from their mothers within the first few days of being born. They are placed in an orphanage or foster home until the completion of the adoption process. There are older children available for adoption as well.

Couple holding adopted baby girl (9-12 months), portrait

Most agencies that handle international adoptions will accept applications from married couples and single adults.  They will be required to complete a home study through the agency that determines if they can provide financially and emotionally for a child. There are many things included in the home study.

Generally speaking, after the process of adoption is finalized, the new parent(s) has to travel to the country where the child is to pick them up. Once there, it will take at least a couple of days to finalize everything in that country to allow the child to leave. Fees vary from one country to another for adoptions.

Because of all the paperwork and immigration laws of the different countries, anyone considering adopting internationally is encouraged to hire a local attorney.  Sometimes an international attorney can be helpful as well. This will help to avoid delays and bring the baby home quicker. Usually, an attorney must join the parent(s) when picking up the child so that all the paperwork can be finalized with the details of the adoption. This helps to protect the agency and the new parent(s) of the child.

When a child is brought home from an international adoption, they must have an United States immigrant orphan petition and an orphan visa before they can come into the United States. This process helps to ensure that the adoptive parent is a suitable parent for the child through an investigation process.

Sep 26

Placing Your Child in Adoption

Picture of a young pregnant woman holding her belly

The idea of putting your child up for adoption is likely the most difficult decision that any parent could ever make. There are many reasons to consider adoption as an option, though, whether it is financial or situational. Either way, doing so is almost always out of love for the child and concern over what is best for his or her future.

There are many reasons I have encountered for why parents put their children up for adoption. A lot of the times, the parents are very young and can not handle a baby because of the lack of finances and because of their immaturity.  A baby is a huge weight on the shoulders of someone that isn’t equipped to handle all of the responsibilities of parenting. In other cases, the parents are older and have already raised their families. They feel the child is better off with a younger couple that can handle the hardships that come along with having a child. There are many birth parents in the mid range as well, who, for a variety of reasons, but their child up for adoption. It is a very hard and personal decision for these parents to make.

There are two common types of adoption that are available to birth parents.  These are a closed adoption and an open adoption. In a closed adoption, the child is signed over to the adoption agency. The agency finds parents for the child. The adoptive parents are not given any information on the birth parents that could identify them, only medical information that may be important for the child. In an open adoption, the parents choose who they want to adopt the child. Most of the times, lines of communication are left open between the birth parents and the adoptive parents in these cases. This may include letters/photos, phone calls, and/or visitations.

If you are looking at placing your child up for adoption, the first step is to find an adoption agency to help you along the way.  They will be able to counsel you on the type of adoption you are wanting and any help you may need before, during, and after the adoption takes place.  They will also be well versed on the local laws pertaining to adoption.